Hipster Barista Bitches

NOTE: this was *not* Rachel's hipster barista. Use your imagination, ppl.

I just don’t fucking get it.

Now, I like to think of myself as a friendly person. I’ll talk to just about anyone (even if they’re imaginary). I love making new friends, and I’m always up for a good one-night-stand (I mean, I'm 5'1, weigh 100 lbs, and have a voice like Minnie Mouse--if that doesn’t scream warm and friendly, I don’t know what does).

So this is why I was shocked senseless that I seemed to have scared the shit out of some dumb as fuck hipster barista last week at Ozzies.

Click to read more ...

DOG PARK WARS: Eggs-N-Bitches

So, looks like this dog park egg saga shit is still goin on.

Gothamist reports that there was yet another incident of a dog and their owner just chillin out at the dog park behind that ugly ass Novo condo on 4th Ave, when out of the sky came a flying egg.

Here's the thing Novo egg-throwing asshole: we all live in motherfucking NYC...and its noisy here. You hear sirens, choppers circling, bebes crying, husbands beating the shit out of their wives, frat boys playing Madden, bands rehearsing, morons with car alarms, horns honking, and all sorts of annoying shit. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY.

Click to read more ...

Cool or Not Cool: Riding Your Bike With A Chainsaw?

Yo, I just walked my ass over to Duane Reade to get a fucking digital thermometer....99.9, bitches.

So, yeah, I'm not feelin so good. But emails like this *always* make me feel better.

From a FIPS reader:

"At around 4:30 today I was walking up 8th Ave with my two kids and I saw this police car turn the wrong way down Montgomery Place.  Then this guy came running out of his building to flag down the officer because he apparently had placed a call to them to report a man riding his bicycle up and down 8th ave "singing loudly, talking to people strangely and CARRYING A CHAINSAW!"  My 4-year-old son was fascinated by this story but I have to wonder, did anyone else see this??????"

Uhm, did you?? Because, if so, I NEED TO KNOW RIGHT FUCKING NOW.

Also, I gotta ask: Cool or not cool: riding your bike with a chainsaw? [I vote not cool, FYI].

NAKED MILFS!

DAYM, ya'll! These Washington Heights MILFS are seriously takin things up a notch! (TAKE NOTE ALL YOU NON-FABULOUS PARK SLOPE BREEDERS).

As members of local groups Poker Mamma's and Moms Who Drink, these ladies are clearly not your average baby makers--espesh since they decided to get all naked-n-shit for Time Out NY.

Anyway.

Our hats off to you, hot mommiez! We'd totally do any of you...

(via Time Out NY)

CALL OFF THE DOGS: COTMM FIPS-TIGATION UPDATE

Okay, everyone.  This shit is INSANE. 

I just ask a simple question (ie: Where the fuck is my mail?!), and I ended up igniting a firestorm of complaints about the mail service around these parts.  Stories of mailmen hanging out in building lobbies, weeks after weeks of no Netflix, homeless men finding mail in the recycling bin when fishing for empty cans and bottles—it's all super carayzee.

On one hand, it's nice to know you're not alone.  On the other, more pessimistic hand, it's kind of scary to know that this is a neighborhood-wide problem and not just an isolated incident.  So, we decided to mail a letter and test the whole thing out.

Click to read more ...