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Tuesday
Feb152011

ANOTHER PIZZA PLACE IN PARK SLOPE!?

click to enlargeThere's a new pizza place coming to 1st Stree and 7th Ave!???

SONOFAMOTHERFUCKING BITCH!!!!

I srsly wanna check on pricing to buy one of those billboards on 4th Ave so I can put up the following message to all future potential Park Slope biz owners: IF YOU OPEN UP ANOTHER PIZZA JOINT IN PARK SLOPE, A BABY PANDA WILL DIE. AND EACH MINUTE THE NEW PIZZA SHOP IS OPEN, LOTS OF OTHER EXOTIC & NON-EXOTIC BABY ANIMALS WILL DIE INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO: KOALA BEARS, POLAR BEARS, CHIMPANZEES, BUNNY RABBITS, PUPPIES, KITTY CATS. GO. THE. FUCK. AWAY!

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Tuesday
Feb152011

FIPS SPECIAL REPORT: WHO IS THE BAD WIFE??

photo via The Brooklyn PaperThe world is literally reshaping itself as we speak. The motherfuckin’ people have spoken and they’ve been heard.

A dictator stands down in Egypt and a dick Republican Rep from upstate is so damn stupid that he goes on Craigslist and tries to find some NSA lovin’...and USES HIS REAL NAME, AND SENDS A BARE CHESTED FACE PIC (to a chick in Texas no less). I mean: this shit is just falling from the sky into the laps of serious journalists.

So, what’s my third assignment from FIPS?

Well thanks to a reader inquiry, I was tasked with digging deeper into the mystery of why that bodega on Seventh Ave between 11th and 12th Streets is called The Bad Wife. Sure it’s a limp dick story, and sure the Brooklyn Paper has already covered it, but still: I was hell-bent on treating it with the same journalistic gravity Anderson Cooper would that second punch in the face by a government sponsored street thug.

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Monday
Feb142011

Thanks But No Thanks, LA Dodgers

Way back in 1958, Dodgers owner Walter O’Malley packed up dem beloved borough baseball bums for the bright lights and sunshine of California, leaving Brooklyn’s entire professional sports fan base devastated. Now those LA-holes want to pay tribute to the team that used to play up the street at Ebbets Field by donning special uniforms during 6 games this upcoming baseball season.

To that we here at FIPS, say hell to the n-o.

Look, if you’re going to decimate an entire professional team’s local support system and economy, showing off some old school duds 53 years later that you're probably going to make bank off of isn’t going to erase the hard feelings of yore. Sure many of the old Dodger faithful ain’t
around anymore to gripe, but that’s not the issue. If you haven’t noticed, we already pay tribute to our Brooklyn baseball legacy with our beloved Coney Island ‘clones. And if you’ve ever been to CitiField,
you’d know that the Mets are just keeping shit warm for the inevitable return of Jackie Robinson and Pee Wee Reese.

If you folks in LA really want to keep giving props to Brooklyn, just keep stealing that BK style. We hear flannel shirts and trucker hats are all the rage in Los Feliz and Echo Park.That’s straight up Billyburg! But if you’re going to douche it up in those old school Dodger unis at least a few times this summer, when it happens, can you at least make it against the Mets so we can come out and give you all the finger?

Monday
Feb142011

[OPINION] Marty Markowitz Is A Douchebag

I'm sorry ppl: this dude is just a gigantic douchebag.

Apparently the writer of the Brooklyn Spoke blog thought it was inappropriate for our Borough Prez to feature a goddamned pole dancer during his state-of-the-borough speech last week and so he wrote  Markowitz a letter to express his concern.

Personally, I thought the letter was well written, respectful and referenced the writer's concern for the message  this sent to our young girls. And as a father, I thought he actually had a fucking point. He ended with this: "I think you owe women and girls, who make up half of your constituency, an apology."

Three days later, he got the following response from our esteemed Borough Prez:

From: Markowitz, Marty

Mon, Feb 7, 2011 at 2:26 PM

Are you serious?????? First, there were no young girls present and
secondly, this guest did nothing lewd…she runs a business that is all
about exercise for men and woman…..this was not about sex
dancing….every year in my annual Borough speech I present bonafide
Brooklyn characters…and unique Brooklynites doing unique
things……that’s all there is to it…..marty

AYFKMWTS!?

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Monday
Feb142011

BREEDER vs BALLER: Kids Will Make You Poor

Each week Once in a blue moon, we will attempt to bring you the unbiased, unedited points-of-view of a bonafide, ginuwine Park Slope Breeder (mom/dad) and a real deal, smokin, sexin, drinkin Park Slope Baller (child free-n-lovin it) on a variety of topics. Identities will remain anonymous, of course, to protect the soon-to-be lynched. This week: Kids will make you poor.

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