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Friday
Aug152014

Park Slope Craigslist Blotter

FREE: Dog Grooming Lessons

“If my dog had a face like you I’d shave its butt and teach it to walk backwards.” This is an old insult that can now be fully realized by attending dog grooming school. It’s four months long but it comes with a certification that will instill in you the confidence to shave any dog’s butt. 

FREE: Jar of Cabosil

This poster has a jar of mysterious goo in his garage and he’s looking to give it away. It’s called Cabosil. Further research uncovers that Cabosil is a brand name for fumed silica. I read the Wikipedia page 10 times for this stuff and I’m still not 100% clear on what it is. It’s a manufacturing component? An artist’s tool? But still safe for human consumption? It’s free so if you want to try putting together some homemade toothpaste hit this person up. 

EVENT: Pet Adoption

Originally this was titled “Adopt: Pets.” So dumb. What else are you going to adopt on a street corner in Brooklyn?  The hipster aesthetic as a personality substitute? Oh no, not you Warby Parker. Those high waters look boss. We’re off track. Petco is hosting an adoption event this weekend. It’ll be Sunday and it looks like cats only. Cats are great pets…if you have a dog phobia after watching one maul a person to death as a child. 

 

EVENT: Fall Art Class

There is an art school in Park Slope and they promise to work with beginners or more advanced students. They have a field trip. Cool, cool. Um. Fall Art Class. So. Deep breathe. That means summer is ending. Before starting self-improvement September with an art class I urge you to take these next two weeks to destroy yourself. Get burned up at the beach. Stop an ice cream truck and get yourself two sundaes. Sit outside at a beer garden and get blackout drunk on a weeknight.

MISSED CONNECTION: Millhouse!

I refuse to believe there are people that wouldn’t get an “Everything is coming up Millhouse!” reference. I do believe there are people rude enough to interrupt your phone call to ask a question as dumb as “So, you from around here?” while you are sitting on a stoop. Young love though. Life is beautiful. Hope these two find each other again.

MISSED CONNECTION: Pissing in the streets

Confession. I’m one of the reasons this city smells like piss. I’ve been known to pull it out on street corners, subway stairs and outdoor bocce courts. I don’t know if it’s that I hate toilets or just love feeling the sun on my cock. Maybe the girl in the post knows the reason why. Since she stopped between two cars to piss like a dog in the middle of the day. Unfortunately this creepy Hispanic man was watching her and even though she was desperately hiding her face from him he was mad turned on. He liked her butt. Sound like a love story as good as I’ve ever heard.

MISSED CONNECTION: Daydream believer

Pretty standard “I saw you on the subway!” post. It’s all churched up with fancy recollections of wisps of hair and shit. Whatever. What is interesting is the last sentence. “How appealing it is to say, these things I'll never say.” It’s a little doorway into the mind and motivations of a Missed Connection poster. Some things just feel good to get out. And there is a touch of an exhibitionism.

 

Friday
Aug152014

Boing Boing Bye-Bye Tour Part 2

Back in December 2013 FIPS reported that the owner of Park Slope’s so-stereotypically-Park-Slope-it’s-ridiculous maternity and nursing retailer, Boing Boing, had had just about enough of your ingratitude, thank you very much, and of trying to make a brick-and-mortar store profitable in this crazy Jetsons’ age of moving sidewalks, robot-maids, and the internet. She took to Huffpo to bemoan her situation as the owner of an independent local business trying to cater to a bunch of Ritchie Riches who sashayed (presumably) into her store, suckled at her teat of free advice, then sauntered (presumably) home to order their baby slings and nursing bras online.

As a somewhat dissatisfied regular patron of Boing Boing during the infancies of both my kids (starting in 2000), I rolled my eyes and sneered a bit at what seemed to be an articulate pity party. Published right before Christmas, her piece opens with her contemplating shoplifting a cheap bracelet for her daughter, because she can barely make ends meet, let alone afford trinkets.

Click to read more ...

Thursday
Aug142014

WHASSUP: HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME EDITION

Today is my birthday. I don't expect a gift—although I wouldn't turn it away. Hell, I don't even expect you to care that it's my birthday—but as it is my number one holiday, I'll ask you to do me a solid. Get your ass out of your Eames chair, pry yourself away from your squash game with Muffy, resist the urge to congregate at some pretentious fucking restaurant that has 4 menu items, and go out and have a good time on the day I came into this world. Simple enough!

This week has quite the mélange of outings from which you may pick your poison. The weather is gorgeous, there are tons of great options out there, go out with your collective head held high. Do it right and do it now!

So WHASSUP? It's my party and I'll cry if I want to—that's WHASSUP:

Thursday, 8/14, My Birthday, Worldwide Celebration: Today I’m another day older, perhaps another day wiser. I hereby decree that we shall drink in the streets and raise havoc to end all havoc. Promise me you’ll do something fun, something off your beaten path, and something worthy of the 14th day of the 8th month.    

Friday, 8/15, The Mars Bonfire, Union Hall: Come see some of our baddest-ass followers/neighbors rip it real good. They’re joined by Brooklyn Sound Machine and Viking for an evening of music that’s sure to rock you out of your socks. $10, 8:30pm doors, 9pm show

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Thursday
Aug142014

Leroy Is The Man (And He Needs A New Home)

UPDATE: Leroy found a home! Hooray!

Ok, dog lovers: cozy up to your cinema screens and take a look at this sweet little guy...Leroy!

FIPS reader (and dog walker & trainer! Hire her!) Susie found him tied up and abandoned in Fort Greene Park with a rope around his neck. He was filthy, scared and alone. Susie and her friend called all the local shelters and shocker: no one could take him. So Susie is currently fostering him and reached out to us to see if we could find this little gent a forever home.

He's been to the vet, and unfortunately, has some kennel cough that he's currently dealing with. According to all reports, he's sweet, kind and has shown no signs of agression...even with Susie's dog Phoebe who isn't shy about occasionally throwing a growl his way. He's housebroken and loves to play with squeaky toys. 

From Susie: 

We are hoping someone will want to adopt this sweet old timer. He doesn’t need much just a few walks a day and some squeaky toys. He’s so mellow that he’d be an easy dog to care for. We can’t keep him due to our building’s pet policy. Please pass this post along to anyone who might be able to foster or adopt him. Leroy and I greatly appreciate it. Anyone interested in helping please contact me, Susie DeFord at Susie’s Pet Care 718-415-7880 susiespetcare<AT>gmail.com

Ok, guys...let's do this. Who has room for Leroy in their family? 

You can read more about this sweet little dude here

 

Thursday
Aug142014

Rachel's Fabulous Flaming "Happy Hour"

Photo via Seamless

How much would you pay for a margarita? Back in my day, we'd congregate at El Sombrero in the LES & blow our paychecks on crack margaritas. I don’t know...what did they cost in 2003 LES dollars? $25 a pitcher? Whatever it was, no biggie. They had crack in them & you could get them to go in a Styrofoam cup.

I'm almost 40 now. El Sombrero has closed. These days in Park Slope, the equivalent is Rachel's...I guess. The lady friend, a mutual friend & a few other acquaintances have spent many day-off late afternoons/early evenings enjoying cheap, apparently potent margaritas beneath the tacky ass flames of Rachel's signage.

A week or so back, the aforementioned mutual friend had SHOCKING news to report...Rachel's had raised the price of EVERY SINGLE ALCOHOLIC BEVERAGE ON THE MENU. Bottles of Corona were now $11. Margaritas now ranged from $10-$13. To say the least, she was incensed.

I called bullshit. While mutual friend is a longtime friend, she occasionally fails to get the whole story. I turned to recent Yelp reviews. Big S. wrote "This place is just sort of weird. Why are bottles of beer $11 dollars unless you have a coupon in a cheap texmex joint?" Liz B. noted that "So.... There's really no $4 margaritas despite the huge sign that's permanently fixed above the entrance. However, the bartender seemed to take pity on us and give us $5 drink tickets that made our $10 margaritas half price... close enough.”

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