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Tuesday
Jul152014

Want to Write for FIPS?

FIPS is looking for some new writers to join our whack pack. As our Dear Leader Erica so eloquently states:

If you feel like joining our crazy FIPS whack pack crew, and your writing doesn't suck ass, we'd probably love to have you. Here's the deal: I'd love to hear all about how you're a hardcore FIPS reader, have the perfect voice, were born to make fun of Park Slope, blah, blah, blah. But mostly I just want to see if you can hack it. So if you REALLY want to write for us, send us a post. Any post, I don't really give a crap. If you read the blog and know what we do, I'd love to see something that you think would be a good fit. Just cut and paste that shit into the little box below, tell me about yourself briefly and hit "submit." If its funny, I'll get back to you (i.e. I'm very fucking lazy, and need as much help as I can get).

So go here and get in touch with us.

Tuesday
Jul152014

Chillax: Lice Lady Not Moving into Percy's After All

Holy smokes. People FUH-REAKED out and got all NIMBY about the possibility of a LiceBusters location moving in to the space formerly occupied by Percy's Pizza. 

First of all, a resident of First Street made the above flyer to protest having this type of business right down the street from where he/she lives, and two doors down from an eating establishment (Bare Burger). Then the owner of the building commented on our post to deny the "allegations:"

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Tuesday
Jul152014

Will the Real Mrs. Shady, Please Shut Up?

Photo via thesource.comSo you're having an affair. That's your business, WTF do I care? Except you seem to think the rest of the Slope really wants to hear about it. I was walking behind you, schlepping my groceries home, when I overheard your philandering hook up call.

"Oh you like to cook?..... Hahahaha...oh yeahhhh?.....I'll BET you do....well, I like talking to you too... No, it doesn't matter when you text me, I have you saved in my phone as "Charisma". Yeah, he knows there's a girl at my work named Charisma..."

I say "overheard," but you were so loud that the cuckolded tool to whom you are bound by holy matrimony probably heard it all the way from his office at 85 Broad Street. Not that I'm shedding any tears for the Mister. If we're to believe Ashley Madison, there's a good chance that he's just as sketchy.

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Monday
Jul142014

A Call To Arms! Excelsior! 

Word on the street is that Excelsior--Park Slope's venerable gay bar--has lost its lease, and won't be open (at least, not in that location) after the end of the month. For me, I'm hoping that they find a new space, and I'm planning to show my support by having drinks there as often as possible, in the next few weeks. You should go drink there, too, I think.

Excelsior has been serving drinks to the gays (and the gay-friendlies)] since 1999, when it filled a void left by all of the shuttered Brooklyn gay bars that came before--Carry Nation (in Park Slope, named after a hatchet-wielding prohibitionist), Friends (on Atlantic Ave.), and Whatever (also in Brooklyn Heights). When I first moved to New York from Chicago in 2000, Excelsior and Ginger's had planted a rainbow flag on 5th Avenue, and it was one of the reasons I knew that the Slope was the Brooklyn Neighborhood for me.

I hung out a lot at Excelsior after I first moved here. But when my friends and I celebrated my birthday there in 2004, my life changed--very much for the better.

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Monday
Jul142014

MISSING TARANTULA HOAX SCURRIES INTO PARK SLOPE’S HEART  

 

Photo credit: LASERPILOT VIA REDDIT

FIPS readers are no suckers, but the rest of the Internet was flipping the fuck out on Friday over the escape of a “mostly harmless” lil ol’ Tarantula in Park Slope. Saturday morning, the NY Times confirmed my suspicion that we were being trolled by a lamppost.

By late Friday afternoon, a phone call to the number listed on the sign yielded the apparent truth: It was all a joke that had gotten out of hand.

“I always see those signs for missing dogs and cats taped up on posts; I thought, ‘What’s the most absurd poster I could come up with?’ ” the man who answered the phone said. “I thought it was so beyond ridiculous that no one would take it seriously. I was wrong.”

The man, who refused to provide his name, said he lived in the neighborhood and worked as a, er, web and graphic designer.

“I never expected it to blow up,” he said. “Then I was in the train station, looking at my Twitter feed and saw this tweet from ABC about a tarantula. I thought, ‘Oh, man.’ ”

The man said he had never owned a tarantula, or any pet for that matter. “I actually didn’t know how to spell tarantula,” he said. “I had to Google that.” 

 

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